Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sanity

Is This What it Feels Like to be a Penguin?

2009-03-31T10:50:00.003-06:00

You'll notice I put up a new pregnancy picture. I certainly don't think it's the most flattering picture, but oh well. That's what happens when you're cultivating a new human in your belly. This picture was taken this last Thursday before Brynn took me out for Valentine's Day. No, I'm not having a serious pregnancy brain moment. We really were celebrating that. We had planned to go out when we were in Saskatoon in February. Brynn had called that evening to make sure we had a table reserved for us, and just about 5 minutes before we were going to leave, I lost my lunch in the bathroom. So, Brynn called back and explained that "my wife is sick", to which I can imagine the hostess thinking, "Mmmhmm, right. Just like I had a headache the last time my husband wanted some action." We had dinner that night at Quizno's instead.
And of course, I was super sick for about 3 weeks after that, so once I got better and Brynn wasn't travelling for work, he planned for dinner this last week.

I love downtown Calgary. It is a really clean city with lots of interesting things to see and do. However, parking downtown absolutely sucks. So, we parked several blocks away and walked. Brynn offered to drop me off, but I insisted that as long as I can set the pace, I'd be fine walking. And I was. But I totally feel like a penguin. I am constantly amazed at how much being pregnant has changed my physicality and mobility.

Anyway, I don't have anything funny or interesting to say, really. I just wanted to comment on the new picture. However, if anyone is looking for a good restaurant in Calgary, check out Blink on Stephen Avenue. The food was amazing, the service was impeccable, and the coffee was the best we've had since Jamaica. So, we highly recommend it!

Stay tuned for my next post which will cover, in response to a faithful blog reader, my experiences with fruits and vegetables.

The Good, the Bad, and the Misc.

2009-03-17T22:16:00.004-06:00

Sorry if you all are getting sick about reading about my pregnancy. But for those of you who don't mind, here's another post :-)

Things I would not make it through this pregnancy without.

1. Breathe Right Nasal Strips. I can't believe how stuffy I get at night. These things make it easier to get to sleep and stay sleeping, as opposed to waking myself up from my chainsaw snoring every hour.

2. My body pillow. I love this thing. I am a complete stomach sleeper, so not being able to do that has been difficult, and still continues to be! My pillow has helped so much!

3. Hot/cold gel eye mask. Brilliant. Since I'm not supposed to be taking anything for anything anymore, this helps a lot when I get headaches and/or migraines. Additionally, it helped tremendously when I was so sick a couple weeks ago and felt hot, sticky, and miserable. We just keep it in the fridge or freezer so I can use it whenever I need it.

4. Bella Band. Since they apparently don't make maternity pants for tall, overweight women (at least not that I can find or afford!), these things help keep my pants up and zipped since they don't button anymore.

5. Head On. I know the commercials are ridiculous, but this stuff is awesome!

6. Warm milk. Every night. It's great. Not only does it help me get to sleep and relax, it also helps stave off the heartburn for a bit.

7. Sports bras. The only bras I can find for the massively huge size I've become that do not have underwires. Underwires are horrible when you're pregnant.

Things I cannot do anymore.

1. Bend over. I know this is obvious, but you get bigger so slowly that the day you suddenly discover that to reach anything below your knees, you have to either split your legs apart, get down on your hands and knees, or wait for your husband to get home and pick it up for you is quite a surprise.

2. Clean my belly button. I won't believe you if you tell me you clean yours every day. I don't neglect mine for months on end, but every so often, I'll give it a check up to see if I'm growing anything there. The other day I started to give it a check-up and realized it has officially collapsed on itself. WEIRD.

3. Make it through a night without getting up to pee at least once. Enough said.

4. Watch any TV show/movie without emotion. It used to be a rare occasion that I would cry or become emotional during a show or movie. Not anymore. And I never know when it will hit. Example: I was watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. It was a fairly typical scene for this show--some chaos and slight bickering between family members, and all of a sudden, the thought hits me--"Those are such beautiful children! It will be so amazing to be a mom!" and there goes the tears! Sheesh.

5. Walk without waddling. Is this what it feels like to be a duck or a penguin?

6. Go grocery shopping without the people who bag your groceries automatically calling another staff over to help me out to my car. And then when I politely decline and let them know I'm fine to take care of my own groceries, they raise their eyebrows and ask, "Are you sure?"

And to end today's post....

I completely reorganized our kitchen to make room for to upcoming baby "stuff" (food, formula, utensils, etc.). Just as I was finishing the very last cupboard, I snagged my shoe on the kitchen rug and fell against the cupboard door. My balance is not great since I'm a little front-heavy these days. I didn't hurt myself, but the door fell on the floor in two pieces. So much for "nesting!" This is Kitty examining the broken door.

Still Learning...

2009-03-06T12:07:00.003-07:00

One of the most frequent comments I've been getting from people about this blog is that they cannot leave comments on the actual blog website. Since I'm doing nothing but nursing myself back to health, I decided to look more into this and found an option that will allow for anyone to leave comments. I also found a bunch of other stuff that I had no idea I could change or modify. It's fun to learn!

Thanks so much to everyone who is reading my blog. I hope you're enjoying it! Please feel free to let me know if there's anything that would make it more interesting, enjoyable, or anything else you're wondering about me. Now that anyone can comment on my blog, I expect to see LOTS more comments and interactions :-)

Sick

2009-03-04T11:39:00.004-07:00

Hi everyone. I'm well into my second week of having a cold. And I'm so sick of being sick by now.

There are two commercials on TV right now. The first one--which I cannot remember the company it's for--starts off by saying stuff like, "If you think a runny nose, sinus pressure, sore throat, etc., is going to stop me, you're wrong." It shows this really athletic woman who looks like she was filmed for an Olympic promotional video, and in no way shape or form is dealing with a cold. I usually fantasize kicking that woman in the head and yelling, "Well, THAT'll stop ya!" The other commercial is great. It shows this poor lady waking to her blood curdling buzzing alarm (why people don't use the radio function to wake up is beyond me). She looks like she feels awful and has struggled to sleep through her sickness all night long. During the rest of the commercial, she struggles to pick out an outfit for work, and it looks kinda like no matter what she does with her hair and makeup, she can't get past feeling like crap. It ends with a voiceover saying, "Take a Benelyn day" and shows her reading in bed looking like the weight of the world came off her shoulders just by giving herself the freedom to call in sick.

Guess which commercial epitomizes me when I'm sick? Usually I don't feel these complete extremes. I'll usually tough it out through a cold and keep on keeping on. This, however, was when I didn't have to check in with the world about what I put in my body. I've quickly learned in the past 2 weeks that I will apparently "pass 'Go' and go straight to the 9th level of Hell" if I take any type of medication to help myself feel a little better. And don't get me wrong--it's not like as soon as I find something I can take, I'm going to go wide-eyed, laugh maniacally, and shove handfuls of pills down my throat, raising my fist to the sky. I've been doing a LOT of reading and researching to find out what is ok and what isn't. And I'm not talking about comments on random websites from people who are like, "One time I ate ketchup and my baby was born with a third arm because of the red food colouring in it! So don't eat ANYTHING red!"

Last week, I started to feel way worse and I thought, well, maybe instead of waiting at the urgent care clinic on a Sunday where I'm going to wait for 7 hours to get a doctor to tell me about the sinus infection I already knew I had, perhaps I could get something to help relieve some pressure, etc. I read through all my books and the "bible" of pregnancy books (What to Expect When You're Expecting, 2008) explained that pharmaceuticals are given letters to indicate their safety ratings. They listed only a few things that apparently I could take without risking social services investigating me. So, I head to a pharmacy and am carefully reading through all the packaging, etc., weighing my options, when a pharmacist quickly chastised me for even considering it and instead recommended setting up a tent and sleeping bag at the urgent care clinic. All righty. So, 4 hours in the clinic and 1 week of amoxycilin it was. Sinus infection dealt with. Then, my ear started hurting. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled anyway, and the answer for this was a nasal spray I can use only once a day....which only helps for an hour...and then I'm back to feeling like crap. Last night, I literally could not breathe through either nostril and kept waking up literally gasping for air (is that what sleep apnea feels like?!), only to wake up this morning and find that the cold has completely moved to my chest now and I'm trying not to cough too hard to prevent throwing up.

If there is ANYONE out there who has a remedy that won't result in me being dragged to the street and publicly flogged, I'd LOVE to hear it. I'm desperate. Right now, I'm resting as much as possible, taking hot showers to help loosen all the junk up, have a humidifier with Vick's Vapo Steam going 24 hours a day, and drink lots of water, juice, and tea.

I have to get better eventually....right?

Will Work for Sun

2009-02-26T22:27:00.007-07:00

Yesterday, my mom called to let me know she'd be in Phoenix for the weekend because it's 80F there and they want some sun while she's got a couple days off. As soon as I got off the phone, I was suddenly inspired to replace all the light bulbs in the house with full-spectrum bulbs and blow up pictures from our previous holidays to completely cover all the windows and block out the snow and cloud cover.

Sigh. I think I've become completely addicted to travelling to warm, tropical places. If any of you out there have ever dealt with SAD (seasonal affective disorder)--which I think almost every Canadian at least can appreciate this in some way--the experience of being somewhere warm, sunny, humid....oh, there is nothing like it.

Brynn took me to Jamaica for our honeymoon, which was amazing! Even when it rained, it was extraordinary! We were in a couples-only resort in Negril (on the west side of the island) on a beach that I read after we got back is rated in the top-something beaches of the world.

And last year, we went with some friends to Maui for the week of Valentine's Day. We loved everything about that island (except the mosquitoes! I attract these bugs better than a bug zapper!) and still have real estate guides to drool and pray over.

So for both of these trips, as soon as I got off the plane, my whole body chemistry seemed to change. I felt so great for those trips, I think I was pooping serotonin and endorphins and all the other happy chemicals! I wish I could claim a mandatory religious pilgrimmage where I would be required to spend a week every month somewhere warm and sunny. Or maybe I could find a doctor that would realize my great need for these trips and prescribe it AND get Alberta Health to cover my trips and all required associated costs! If only this were possible.

Well, in the meantime, if anyone would like to contribute to my mental health and wellness fund, I accept donations and will work for sun!

Pregnancy Surprises

2009-02-24T20:01:00.003-07:00

So, last week I went travelling with Brynn and had all these wonderful plans to write lots of blog entries and catch up on emails, etc. But, then I got a bad cold which turned into a double sinus infection, and ended up sleeping through most of the days in our hotel room in Saskatoon. I ended up going on antibiotics and my head still feels somewhat like a vice is clamping on my sinuses when I get up too fast, go downstairs, or bend over to pick something up (which is just getting harder in general due to my ever-expanding belly!). But now that it's just a vice on my sinuses instead of a dull serated edge hammering away, I think I can concentrate enough to write something.

This was my first time since my first month of pregnancy that I've been sick (which must be a record for me since I usually have to take at least one sick day every month), and it surprised me how much I enjoy medications. Just a simple decongestant or Tylenol are suddenly the next best thing to sliced bread, chocolate, or oxygen now that I'm not supposed to be using them. I try to console myself by thinking of this all as a big "restart" button for my body.

This line of thinking led me to think about other things that have been surprising so far while I've been pregnant for the first time.

--How sensitive my gag reflux has become. It is amazing how little it now takes to make me lose my meal! I'll just be sitting there, totally not feeling sick, when I suddenly feel a need to cough, and, all of a sudden--BAM--up everything comes. For example (because I know you all want to imagine this in even more detail), one time last month, I was literally pulling into a client's driveway for an appointment when this very thing happened. And I actually started to debate whether to wipe up and do the session anyway! But I didn't. I called and cancelled, drove the whole way home with the windows down (taking back roads so I wouldn't have to stop at all!), and washed my entire outfit.
--How itchy I am. I know it says in all the pregnancy literature I've got about how itchy women are supposed to get during pregnancy, but I seriously feel like a grooming monkey sometimes with how much I'm scratching at myself! And yes, I do put lotion on. I still itch.
--How getting dressed requires so much thought now. I now feel like MacGuyver when I'm putting on clothes. I've decided there is really no point to buying an entirely new wardrobe since my body changes each week. Instead, I rig my pants with rubber bands to help the waistband stretch, cover those with a bella band to ensure they don't totally unzip during the day, and then layer my tops based on how bloated I feel, how much heat I'm radiating, and how much my nipples are protuding.
--How often my brain seems to choke on itself. Last week, I realized during several conversations with Brynn that I could not remember if I thought something with my inside voice or my outside voice. As in, Gee Brynn, it's busy here--have I said this already?
--How little people have touched me or given me unsolicited advice and unwelcome comments. I was fully expecting to be groped and manhandled by intrusive strangers and have been (not so secretly) planning responses to tactless comments. However, other than friends and family, no one has tried touching me yet, and there hasn't been a comment that has made me flinch. Maybe I do look too crazy to approach in this way! Hooray, my David technique has been working! (see my post from Dec . 23, 08 "People and Pregnancy").
--How absolutely amazing it is to feel Baby move! In almost every book and online info I've read, everyone seems to experience and describe a baby's movements differently. I must admit, I was seriously prepared to constantly mistake movement for flatulence and vice-versa. And I'm now proud to say, I can totally tell the difference :-) Every time Baby moves, it is incredible (every time I fart, on the other hand....pregnancy gas is deadly)! I'm still waiting for the day that Brynn will be able to feel it through my stomach (Baby either stops or kicks too softly for Brynn to be able to feel this yet), but for now I'm enjoying the sensations like a secret that only Baby and I have. Each kick and movement makes it seem like that much more of a reality. It is no wonder to me now that the bond between a mother and her children is so intense.

One more trimester to go! And another three months or so of pregnancy-related experiences. Stay tuned!

Med's and Baby

2009-02-04T21:19:00.006-07:00

So, I went to the doctor's on Monday and explained to them how I've been feeling this last month. I'm always thankful when doctors handle these things tactfully but ask smart and pointed questions (how are things financially, do I have a self-care plan, etc.). I also get the impression that because of my experience in the counseling field, they understand that I understand what's going on with the medications and treatment plans. As soon as I finished describing my symptoms and that I've been on the same dosage of med's for the last 5 years with no adjustments, she immediately said, "Oh, we should double that!" So, now it will take 1-2 weeks to see how I start feeling--and hopefully I'll start sleeping better, too.

I've been asked by LOTS of people if these med's are dangerous to the baby. I'll assure you that long before Brynn and I got pregnant--in fact, even before we got married and started trying--I had a long discussion with my doctor at the time (who was absolutely fantastic but then moved away....booooo!), and she gave me several articles and lots of research information that basically says that the stress, anxiety, depression, etc., that I could experience from being off the med's could cause way more problems to the baby than being on the med's. Additionally, there has been no indication that these med's increase the risk for any birth defects or developmental issues. I've always tried to be an educated consumer of these things, and have always encouraged any clients I've worked with to do the same--check out the manufacturer's website, get information from your doctor, etc. Just like diabetics who need insulin to keep their pancreas working correctly, people like me need these med's to keep my brain chemistry working correctly. And in either case, I think you need to know what you're putting in your body and how it's supposed to be working.

On to a different note, we've got our next ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow afternoon--thanks so much, Karen, for helping us get the appointment!!!--and it's going to be one of those new-fangled 3-D images. Brynn's got another appointment already scheduled for the afternoon, so we're hoping he can at least see part of it before he has to go. And since I'm about 22 weeks along, we should be able to get a clear image and see whether Baby is a boy or girl. I think it will be nice to not call Baby "it" anymore. Plus, we can hopefully start narrowing down our possible names list. Our goals in picking a name are probably similar to most other people who face the humbling task of picking a life-long name for a new human--something that is somewhat unique, but not different enough that the kid is going to get beat up for it (google celebrity kids' names!), and something that won't spell weird stuff in the initials (like DOG or POO...you know). Of course, there's many more things to consider in this undertaking, like how the names sound together and if it's spelled freakishly different so that teachers will never know how to pronounce the poor kid's name and the kid gets mail addressed to him or her in the opposite gender because people have no clue what their name is.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Until next time...

Sanity? What's That Like?

2009-01-30T21:06:00.004-07:00

It's been a tough month. I debated whether or not to tackle this topic, but I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this stuff, and I'm hopeful that this can spark some conversation and support. This might be the first time some of you have heard this from me. Others have been a fantastic source of encouragement and strength when I am the middle of these struggles. But for everyone who reads my blog (which completely humbles me, by the way!), my hope is that I can provide some first-hand information on these issues.

So, for several years, I've struggled with anxiety and depression. It sucks. I think my first encounter with it was when I was 14. Thinking back, I remember that there was a period of about two weeks when I had no motivation, felt numb, and could hardly remember what had happened during each day that passed. I remember talking about it with a friend and saying, "It feels like I'm in a deep pit. I can see the top, but can't get out." There was no reason for why I suddenly began feeling this way, and I don't remember anything that helped me "come out of it."

I don't remember any other significant episodes until I was in university in BC. There wer a lot of external situations happening that did contribute to the depression from time to time. But to actually pinpoint the episodes and try to figure out why I would struggle the way I did, I eventually began to realize that there didn't have to be any rhyme or reason. I also began to see areas where the anxiety would take control and interfere. In high school, I had felt pretty comfortable and confident in myself for the most part, but suddenly in university, I began to see how competitive things could be (on-campus jobs, extra-curricular participation, internships and practicums) and that started me in on a pretty massive spiral of self-doubt that is still a massive battle in me. Throw into the mix, a very significant person in my life at the time telling me that I would never be a good counselor. Things like that aren't usually very helpful for people who already have self-esteem issues.

The depression and anxiety quickly began to escalate during my Master's. Without going into the story, about half way through there were some doubts as to whether I would be able to finish the degree or not. Well. This quickly became a really bad time for me. I had been working with a counselor during my undergrad, and decided to try something different and more intense. I went to my doctor and started some antidepressant/antianxiety medication and began some EMDR treatments (EMDR is something I'll write about in a different blog. It's not the simplest thing to try to explain and I want to make sure I'm doing it some sort of justice.). I should also mention, because this is such a big part of our relationship now, that Brynn and I had begun dating long-distance around this time. During our nightly phone conversations, I would quickly deteriorate into tears and ramblings of self-doubt and loathing. He explains now to people that when I'm "stable" (for lack of a better word), I am a pretty rational, logical person. But when I go through one of my "episodes" that rationale seems to go right out the window. Instead of A, B, C, my thoughts instead go A, Q, H, Z....etc.

Thankfully, within about 2 weeks, my medication began to work. (I'm a big advocate for mental health medications if it's used properly, is genuinely needed, and you are working closely with a good doctor. I'll write more about this on another occasion.) I did graduate and moved on to the next chapter of my life. And while the depression/anxiety didn't go away, I did gradually learn how to manage and monitor it. A couple years after graduating, I tried to (with my doctor's help and observation--don't EVER do this without working with your doctor!!!) wean myself off the med's because I was in a much more stable situation--regular income, no school stress, etc. I know now that one of the withdrawal effects of my med's is something called hypomania--super energy, fantastic mood, just basically a top-of-the-world feeling. It was awesome! Three months later, I felt like crap. So, back on the med's I went.

That was about 2 years ago, and since then, there have been small episodes, but nothing too major. Fast forward to this past October when we found out I was pregnant. Hello hormones! Yeah, I quickly found out that these hormones seem to exacerbate my dep/anx symptoms. Who would've guessed?! Then throw in the stress of my job working in the non-profit social services sector...down, down, down I went again. Which leads me to today. Brynn and I decided it would be best for my and the baby's health to start my mat leave early.

Unless you've experienced this kind of stuff, it is extremely hard to understand someone who is. So, I thought, rather than keeping myself stuck in my fear of being judged or people interacting with me differently, I'd start trying to provide some of my own experiences to help people understand and learn. And hopefully, it will help me, too. I actually based the title of this blog (Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sanity) on this part of my life in an attempt to be somewhat humourous, so it seems fitting that I'm finally going to add this topic to my "to write about"
list. There will definitely be more to come--especially since I'm unemployed!

Things I Wish We Could Get....

2009-01-12T17:12:00.006-07:00

Even though I've lived up here for over ten years now (man, that went by fast!!!), I still catch myself mentioning products and other things that are found only in the States. This happened today to me, in fact, and that got me thinking about all the products, restaurants, etc., etc., that I totally wish we could get up here! Here's my very partial list, which I may add to randomly as things continue to come to me.

1. Target. This absolutely had to be first on my list. I miss this store so much. Every time I go down to the States to visit family/friends, this is one of my top "must-do's" while I'm there. I think my family still thinks I'm a little off-kilter when I spend at least an hour wandering around the store and looking at EVERYTHING.
2. Hostess products. K, so I know we get some of these things up here (e.g., Twinkies), but we miss out on so many other great products! I mean, of all the Hostess products to have up here, Twinkies are the poo of the Hostess world. Ho-Ho's, Ding Dongs, and Hostess cupcakes are just a few examples of what I really miss. In fact, today I was massively craving some of these things. Sigh.
3. Captain Crunchberries. Regular Cap't Crunch just doesn't cut it. I was down in the States in March and picked up 4 boxes, which I have been rationing so carefully, that I still have about a half box left.
4. Cherry Coke. I will never understand why this product is not sold up here. I would gladly take the job of hand sticking the French labels on the cans and bottles if Coke would kindly consider allowing Canada access to Cherry Coke. Please!!??!!
5. Carl's Jr, Jack-in-the-Box, Sonic, and all those other burger/fast food places that we have to watch commercials for without having the satisfaction of eating at. OK, here's my opinion: if Canadian networks take all the fun out of Superbowl viewing by not letting us watch the awesome commercials, can't they do the same thing for these commercials? I mean, it's like torture to have to sit there looking at all these amazing looking burgers and fast-food products that we can't get!!! I swear, Brynn and I make a list of places we're going to eat at during our trips to the States.
6. American Super Bowl commercials. Honestly. For the love of all that's holy. WHY. CAN'T. WE. SEE. THE. COMMERCIALS!?!?!?!?!?!?!
7. Really good Mexican food. (Perhaps I should have just moved temporarily to the States during my pregnancy. Writing about these things just makes me want them even worse!) If there is anyone out there in Calgary who knows (and I do mean knows) good Mexican food, please, please, PLEASE...I need to know this information. Because I'm getting desperate. And I'm not talking the "tex-mex" stuff. I mean, authentic, I'm not sure I know how to pronounce this item on the menu, honest-to-goodness Mexican food.

What about you? Anything you wish we had up here? Your turn!

Please Feed Me...

2009-01-08T16:25:00.003-07:00

So the last few nights, I've had had a really hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. It's so frustrating because I'm exhausted during the day while I work, and then when I get to bed, I toss and turn and can't shut my head off. And I've tried it all. Warm milk, writing things down, putting a pillow between my legs, etc. If I weren't pregnant, my melatonin works wonders, but of course, that's not recommended.

My point today is not to complain (I'm just venting, I promise!). Last night, while I was trying to get comfortable, I started thinking about topics I think would be interesting to ponder and write about. Some of the things I came up with include:

--the NASA program
--supernatural events
--my cat
--my work (but that will have to wait until I stop working due to the highly confidential work that I do)
--Jobs I'd like to try
--Fun party ideas
--Gift ideas
--government and politics (more to see if I can get some of my questions answered than to necessarily criticize)
--faith
--musings about people
--pet peeves
--places I've travelled to

What about you? What would you like to read about? Anything you'd like to ask me? Anything that you've wanted to participate in a discussion about?

And the Moral of the Story...

2009-01-04T21:48:00.003-07:00

I suppose I should finish my thoughts and story from a couple posts back. To continue with when people totally step on other's enthusiasm and quest for learning....

When I was in university, there was this girl at the same school that got on my nerves almost right from the moment I met her. She was a few years younger than I, and still came across in a bullying type way to everyone that didn't seem to be in her little group. So, I had a part-time on-campus job that also gave me the opportunity to attend a leadership retreat each fall. This quickly became an annual highlight for me. At this particular camp, one of my favorite things to do was to see the phosphorescent algae in the bay water at night. For those of you not familiar with this super cool stuff, it's basically glow-in-the-dark algae that you can see when you stir the water. I've always loved glow-in-the-dark stuff, so this immediately caught my attention. One year, I decided to see if I could get some in a container and take it home. Now, I know due to many, many factors and conditions required to keep this stuff alive, it was a long shot that it would actually still glow when I got it home. But, what the hey? I didn't really have anything to lose. The camp kitchen staff were totally nice enough to give me a bag of ice to insulate the container and keep the water cool. This girl intercepted me before I got on the bus and asked what I was doing. I told her, and she immediately made a face and said, "It's totally not going to work. You're wasting your time." I got on the bus imagining her as a mother someday.... "Gee, Timmy, that picture you're drawing totally doesn't look like our house. You're just wasting your time."

K, so the algae totally didn't work when I got it home, but what did I lose by trying? Nothing. And I got a cool story and experience out of it.

So, again to all those people on the Mythbusters forums and all those naysayers out there who are quick to put down and not acknowledge the beauty of curiosity and just simple trying....I fart in your general direction. And now that I'm pregnant, I can do that with gusto.

Fun with Facebook Flair!

2008-12-30T23:35:00.004-07:00

I totally wish I was tech-savvy enough to know how to have my Facebook Flair show up on this blog, because some of them totally make me laugh! I know a lot of people out there hate all the applications and stuff, but boy, there's some funny stuff people think of! So, I'm going to post my favorites here and you can get a glimpse into my weird sense of humour (you'll have to just imagine the funny picture/graphics/fonts, etc. that go with each one!). Enjoy! (Note: I am not responsible for creating any of these, nor am I trying to take credit for any of it. I'm simply sharing the joy I get from them. K? K!)

I'm so funny, they gave me a jacket that makes me hug myself.

Children left unattended will be given a shot of espresso.....and a kitten.

I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

Of course I'm out of my mind; it's dark and scary in there!

I told my therapist about you.

If you have a friend who is a tight rope walker, and he was walking down the sidewalk and fell--that would be completely unacceptable.

I talk smack to inanimate objects.

Drink coffee. Do stupid things faster and with more energy.

You are being monitored (picture of two figures; one about to hit the other with a computer monitor).

Being vague is almost as fun as doing this other thing.

I'm not skipping school. I'm on a self-motivated field trip.

Yes I could give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter.

On a scale of one to crazy, I'm a penguin.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.

I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as me.

Statistics prove 5 out of 4 people can't count.

My friends are the type of people who will spend hours trying to drown a fish.

Poison? No silly, this is Pirate Juice.

Death: the #1 killer in the USA. Tell your friends.

You Cannot Squelch My Mythbusters Enthusiasm!

2008-12-29T23:33:00.004-07:00

Brynn and I just got back tonight from spending Christmas with his family. I decided to catch up on my emails and blog reading and have had Mythbusters on in the background. What an awesome show! We've been watching this show for a few years now and it does not cease to fascinate me (ok, now a commercial for Jamaica just came on and is so incredibly distracting. It's snowing hard outside, and I'm totally daydreaming about our honeymoon there and wanting to go back.....sigh.....).

ANYWAY, I think that show would be so cool to work on! I oftentimes think, "Hmm....I wonder if that is true" or "Could that really happen that way?". For example, we watched Wanted a couple weeks ago with some friends, and afterwards had the most fascinating conversation about whether it is possible to curve a bullet and what factors would have to be considered to have two bullets collide mid-air. So, I thought, SWEET! I'm TOTALLY writing Mythbusters about this. I know I'm not the most original of thinkers, but I was at least slightly disappointed with the HUGE number of posts already on Mythbusters website discussing these very issues. I think I'm always kinda hoping I'm some sort of a novelty :-) But the thing that disappointed me THE MOST was the arrogant, smug, know-it-all people who reply to some of these questions with comments like: "They ALREADY answered that question. Please don't post any more of these questions. It was covered in Season 26, episode 132.6." Sheesh. Way to take the fun out of learning! For those of us who don't have all the time in the world to stay glued to our tv sets or TiVo every gosh-darn episode out there, please be a little more gentle and understanding.

This actually just reminded me of an experience I had at a leadership retreat once. I think I'll continue this in another post later :-) Stay tuned!

People and Pregnancy

2008-12-23T14:06:00.003-07:00

This is me before our Christmas party on Saturday. Not bad for 15 weeks, eh? I am feeling a little self-concious that I am so big already, but I'm sure it will all even out in the end. One of my friends at church was saying that she was quite large before her son was born, and she could not handle people coming up to her and saying, "You must be having twins because you're huge!" I'm kind of holding my breath for these types of comments and the strange people trying to touch my stomach as the pregnancy continues. Fortunately, so far people have been quite tactful and understanding and I haven't gotten a lot of weird, insensitive comments or anything like that. One of my coworkers told me that after having a couple of kids, she finally just started grabbing either the guy's package or the woman's breast (depending obviously on who was touching her pregnant belly) and that seemed to get the point across. I know I couldn't be that brave, but part of me would really like to have the cahooneys to be able to do that. I think something more my style would be putting my hand on the intruder's stomach and asking when they are due. I'm also considering getting a t-shirt made that says something like "Please step away from the stomach" or "Don't touch." I've certainly found myself to be much more snarky as the pregnancy continues.

I'm not sure what it is about people and pregnancy that somehow gives people the feeling that they are entitled to offer unsolicited advice ("You should eat more fiber to help with constipation."), reprimand freely ("You're eating that??!!"), and unabashedly touch and invade your personal space. For something so intimate and personal....it just shocks me. When I get further along, I might start dressing in goth or doing the "David in the desert" thing (remember in the OT, when David, as he was hiding from King Saul, pretended to be crazy? I always loved that story!) just to keep people away. And by people, I definitely mean strangers and people I'm not comfortable with. This in no way applies to my friends and family because, well, first of all they don't do this, and if they do, they usually preface it with, "I know you're getting a lot of unnecessary advice already..." or "I did the same thing and all 10 of my babies came out perfectly healthy!"

Anyway, it feels nice to get some of that out there. If any of you have any friends or relatives that do these things, please remind them that we pregnant women are extremely hormonal and it's best not to provoke us.

Because like the animals at the zoo, if you provoke us, we may lunge, spit, or fling poo.

Merry Christmas!

More about Baby and My Thoughts on the Weather (don't get too excited!)

2008-12-20T15:55:00.005-07:00

I can't figure out at this point how to post more than one picture, so the one on the left is what we thought was the best of the 20 on the CD I got to take home. It is so amazing to see all the little fingers and the feet, and in one picture the tech zoomed in on the heart and I got to watch it beat away for a few minutes. I'm not sure how to explain what it felt like to see that for the first time. I surprisingly didn't feel any tears--I think it was almost unreal to me. It was kind of like, yeah, yeah, there's this blobby baby on the tv on the wall, but was struggling to make the connection that that is in me. I know it will continue to sink in up until I'm actually holding our baby after delivery, and Brynn's said he feels the same way--and that totally makes sense since he's not physically experiencing what I am right now. I hope June comes fast!

To completely switch subjects, I'm hoping to take some pictures of our house and what it looks like right now in Calgary. I remember growing up in Southern Oregon, when it would snow like an inch and things would practically shut down. Now, I'm living here where we've had -20 C (for my American friends and family, 0 C is freezing and Celcius and Farenheit match at -40) for almost two weeks now, I think (it's starting to feel like it's been this way forever) and with the exception of the high-volume routes, roads are completely covered with probably about a foot of packed snow and ice. And yet, school still happens, everyone goes to work, and life continues pretty much the same. I've become pretty accustomed to driving in the snow and ice by now. It kinda makes me smile now when I hear reports from the US West Coast that chains are required to drive through this area, or school is closed in this city, etc. I'm certainly not saying anything to the effect of "We're superior at handling winter in Canada!" I just think it's amazing how relative everything becomes. I never would have been able to handle winters here ten years ago, but now that I'm acclimatized, it's not that big of a deal anymore.

Well, that's it for me for today. Tonight, Brynn and I are heading to a friend's fancy-schmancy Christmas soiree at some fancy hotel downtown. I think I'm going to get Brynn to take a picture of me and my belly while I'm not in my preferred outfit of sweats and a baggy shirt. I'm hoping someone out there can reassure me that I'm not a freak because I'm already showing so much at 15 weeks!

And Baby makes....hormones!

2008-12-19T15:42:00.001-07:00

This will be a short post. I just found out that we're heading out for dinner with some dear friends and I need to get some stuff done before dinner. But, I just wanted to say how hormonal I've been yesterday and today. Yesterday, I had my first appointment with the maternity clinic I've been transferred to. Holy smokes, is everyone there nice! I've never been in a nicer doctor's office! So, after doing the initial paperwork and intake information, they take Brynn and I to an exam room and the doctor comes in and we get to hear the heartbeat for the first time! I almost started crying...it was so amazing to hear the life growing inside of me. And then the doctor puts the monitor on the other side and there's the heartbeat again. But, she says, "It sounds like there's two heartbeats in there!" And Brynn's eyes get big and my smile gets bigger. My heart started racing at the thought we could be having more than one. The doctor immediately refers me for an ultrasound, which they managed to schedule for this morning. I spent the rest of last night fighting back tears. It really doesn't take much anymore. I mean, I've started crying during episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8. And once I start, it's super hard to stop. So this morning I get up super early to get to the ultrasound clinic on time (for those of you who haven't been to Calgary, it's one of the most geographically spread out cities in North America, so you can rack up mileage really easily here, plus we're in the middle of a crazy cold spell, so there's snow and ice completely covering all the roads. I now budget at least an hour and a half to get almost anywhere!). Anyway, to make a long story short, I get there, have a really really full bladder, and find out there's just one baby in there. Mixed feelings about that. I'll be posting pictures really soon here, but in the meantime, I've already got them up on my Facebook site if anyone's interested :-) Baby looks healthy and is SUPER active....strong heartbeat....appropriate size. So far, so good! Absolutely amazing and surreal to see Baby today :-)

Baby on the way and growing up is here to stay

2008-12-17T10:11:00.001-07:00

I don't think I've quite settled into this whole "grown-up" thing. I think my head is still waiting for my next semester to start or to figure out what summer job I want to go for. So, when many friends started getting married, and then I did, too, a little bit of reality set in--I'm a grown-up now (kind of), there's responsibilities, I'm not physically able to pull all-nighters (although I realized that a few years before I graduated), and you need to start saving for retirement (this still alludes me, although I'm forever grateful for my financially-savvy husband to help with this). Then when friends started having babies, that was also...startling in a way. My "youth" (granted, "youth" is a relative term, because no matter how old I get, anyone younger than me will be considered "youth"--yeah, I'll probably be one of those old people :-) ) is getting further and further away, and more and more grown-up stuff is slipping in. Now, we started trying to get pregnant almost right after we got married because I had some reproductive system health issues and the doctor's told me that pregnancy would probably be the thing to fix it. But despite our actively pursuing this very grown-up responsibility of having children, full-fledged adulthood still seemed somewhat allusive and what happens to "other people."

Now, let me stop here and say, it's not like I'm completely irresponsible....I have a full-time job, pay my bills and taxes, volunteer with our church, have a well-cared for cat, and clean and cook and follow the news and politics. So, on the outside, I look like a fully functioning adult who's managing adulthood pretty well. It's just always been in my mind that someday I'd be a grown-up, you know? The "when i grow up" thing.... That being said...

So, now that we're pregnant, it kinda hits me once in awhile that this is for real. I can't just drop what I'm doing and head to a friend's house, spontaneously go out with Brynn for a date, etc. Not to say that that will never happen...just that it will be awhile yet before those things are as viable spontaneously.

So, I'm kinda starting to realize that perhaps growing up is a lifelong adventure where I'll continue to learn and add more "grown-up" things to my repertoire (PTA, driving a mini-van, etc.). I'm glad it doesn't happen all at once or else I'd probably be on more med's and have a live-in therapist. But, growing up will continue to happen, and I'll continue to look at my life and go, how the heck did I get here already?

That's pretty cool. One step at a time.

By the way, the baby's EDD is June 15. We've been getting these weekly emails that tell us what's happening with the baby's development, and this week, baby is apparently the size of a lemon. Hooray!

Let's see how this goes...

2008-12-16T10:24:00.002-07:00

So, I'm starting to realize that I have a not great "quirk" where I get super enthusiastic about something for awhile and then when something else catches my attention, I move on to that and leave the first behind in the dust. I'm hopeful that this won't be the case with this blog. I wasn't even sure I wanted to start a blog because that seems to be the thing right now, and I wish I was more of a trendsetter than a follower....but a few things convinced me that I should at least try this. First of all, since Brynn and I are expecting our first, there's so much that I am experiencing that would be nice to vent about and/or hear from others that I'm not the only one. Additionally, both of our parents are not close by, so I thought this might provide a nice way of being able to post cute (and maybe not so cute) stories and pictures later on that our moms can access. Second, I have a lot of soapboxes. I'm finding that more and more things are really getting to be "hot buttons" for me and this could be a way that I can sort through those thoughts and perhaps hone my ability to write about them. For example, last night, Brynn and I watched an amazing documentary and I found afterwards that I was almost bursting at the seams with what was going on in my head. So, again, this might be a helpful outlet for stuff like that. Finally, I've really enjoyed following the blogs of my friends and feeling like I can still be a part of their lives even though I'm so far away from most of them. And I'm hopeful that this may be the same for anyone else who decides to read this.

So, here goes. Thanks for joining me on this new endeavor!