Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Baby on the way and growing up is here to stay

I don't think I've quite settled into this whole "grown-up" thing. I think my head is still waiting for my next semester to start or to figure out what summer job I want to go for. So, when many friends started getting married, and then I did, too, a little bit of reality set in--I'm a grown-up now (kind of), there's responsibilities, I'm not physically able to pull all-nighters (although I realized that a few years before I graduated), and you need to start saving for retirement (this still alludes me, although I'm forever grateful for my financially-savvy husband to help with this). Then when friends started having babies, that was also...startling in a way. My "youth" (granted, "youth" is a relative term, because no matter how old I get, anyone younger than me will be considered "youth"--yeah, I'll probably be one of those old people :-) ) is getting further and further away, and more and more grown-up stuff is slipping in. Now, we started trying to get pregnant almost right after we got married because I had some reproductive system health issues and the doctor's told me that pregnancy would probably be the thing to fix it. But despite our actively pursuing this very grown-up responsibility of having children, full-fledged adulthood still seemed somewhat allusive and what happens to "other people."

Now, let me stop here and say, it's not like I'm completely irresponsible....I have a full-time job, pay my bills and taxes, volunteer with our church, have a well-cared for cat, and clean and cook and follow the news and politics. So, on the outside, I look like a fully functioning adult who's managing adulthood pretty well. It's just always been in my mind that someday I'd be a grown-up, you know? The "when i grow up" thing.... That being said...

So, now that we're pregnant, it kinda hits me once in awhile that this is for real. I can't just drop what I'm doing and head to a friend's house, spontaneously go out with Brynn for a date, etc. Not to say that that will never happen...just that it will be awhile yet before those things are as viable spontaneously.

So, I'm kinda starting to realize that perhaps growing up is a lifelong adventure where I'll continue to learn and add more "grown-up" things to my repertoire (PTA, driving a mini-van, etc.). I'm glad it doesn't happen all at once or else I'd probably be on more med's and have a live-in therapist. But, growing up will continue to happen, and I'll continue to look at my life and go, how the heck did I get here already?

That's pretty cool. One step at a time.

By the way, the baby's EDD is June 15. We've been getting these weekly emails that tell us what's happening with the baby's development, and this week, baby is apparently the size of a lemon. Hooray!

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